This might be the most honest I’ve ever been with you. 

Well, it’s taken me awhile to figure out how to articulate this or figure out how exactly I feel about what I am about to share. 

I think it mostly has to do with the fact that, irl, I still find it hard to determine when enough is enough. 

To be clear, I’m referencing physical labor when it comes to knowing when to do rest and when to do more —
insert bitchy inner dialogue; …. am I being lazy, or am I just uninspired, or am I genuinely exhausted or do I need to push myself because THAT is where the growth is? Etc etc etc
Being an overachiever who was gifted an insatiable need to produce from their chronically dissatisfied mother, is exhausting - muhaha! 

It’s just too easy to take myself down the path of what’s right or what’s smart vs …. What feels good and what brings me the most excitement because surprise, I’m worthy of that. 

Anyway, what I want to share with you is that ….  I’m leaving my Facebook group. 

I haven’t decided if I’m just going to close it or if I will leave and hand it off to a few members to take over admin stuff. 

I’ll probably ask for feedback on that. Regardless, I’ll decide before the end of the month. 

I also know that Facebook isn’t for everybody, you may not even be in the group, but felt this was important to share widely because I can imagine it’s quite relatable.  

Furthermore, — personally and professionally, I’m coming to terms with this insane pressure I have lived with and continue to put on myself to be of service to everyone, all the time. 

I’m good at it and I like being that person. 

Call it oldest daughter (I’m not but i fit the description), call it survivors guilt, call it conditioning, call it being parentified, it doesn’t matter, it exists and I want nothing more than to quickly and effectively alleviate all of your suffering. 

And again, I’m good at that and I can be of service in that way, I just need to take some steps to refine how that looks and make sure that what I’m doing is coming from a place of pure love, a reciprocal exchange of energy and not something I think I need to do in order to acquire or attain something else. 

That requires space and simplicity that leaving the Facebook group (among other choices) will gift me. 

This past year has also taught me the practice of constantly releasing the projections, perfectionism, and personas that I have been given, have been built or have been in place to protect me but that now can genuinely keep me confined, suffocated and misaligned. 

In short, your girl needs to stop trying to do the most and trust that I don’t have to. 
Oooh the mf growing pains!!!!!!  

I have spent such intimate time with so many of you (1:1 inside my mentorship) and it’s been and continues to be the time of my life.
As of now, that part isn’t going anywhere. 

As still, to this day — I get messages from women who tell me my program is the best thing they’ve ever done. 

Me. Someone who was taught she was the biggest liar, worthless, incapable and was crippled with imposter syndrome and self doubt.
Insanity!!!!! 

So with that,  I’d love for you to stay here with me as I continue to figure out how to better nurture our community. 

How to invite in those who want to connect with me more deeply in a 1:1 container and those of you who want to stay in touch a little less intimately. 

For now, you can stay connected with me through instagram, my email list or again, please look into my mentorship program, as without being salesy and opportunistic, that’s just where you’ll get my best stuff.

To the members of the group — I hope you can understand the evolution I’ve attempted to describe and can also know how much I have valued you and cherished our time together. Each day we have to make choices to shape the lives we want otherwise before we know it … years go by without us even noticing, — and this is my effort to offset that. 

I will also figure out how to honor the space with next steps, soon. 

Thanks for letting me be honest and gifting me the opportunity to not have it all together. 

I’m here for all considerate q’s and feedback. 

to living the dream imperfectly, 

Amanda