1:1 mentorship for scapegoat daughters
of maternal narcissistic abuse
you already know everything about your mom.
this is where you finally start learning about yourself.
across our 8 weeks together we focus
on three things:
not ready yet? join the waitlist and i’ll be here when you are.
knowing who you actually are. not who you were told you were, not who you became in order to survive, — who you actually are and what you actually want from your life.
building boundaries that come from self-trust. not fear, not avoidance, not just self protection. real lines that hold because you finally know what you're protecting and how to approach your world with more safety and security.
breaking the cycle — for good. the panic of becoming her. the fear of recreating what you grew up in. the specific exhaustion of trying to parent yourself and your children at the same time. we address all of it.
If you’ve experienced maternal narcissistic abuse you’ve probably lived a lifetime of:
questioning everything you do. trying to perfect your behavior just enough to finally keep her happy. spending so much time managing her that you lost track of who you actually are, what you actually want and sometimes even what day it is — and whether you're even allowed to want more for yourself. where would you even start?
you've watched her make your most important moments about herself. you've accepted treatment you knew wasn't okay because you were conditioned to believe that was just what love looked like. and underneath all of it — the rage, the exhaustion, the rabbit hole thoughts — is the quieter, more devastating question that she planted there: what if she's right about me?
you've tried to hold boundaries. you've tried therapy. you've read the books, done the research, built the case. and you're still here. still tired. still feeling like the problem.
you're not. you never were. and somewhere in you, you might already know that — you just need someone to help you actually believe it.
maybe you're just starting to feel the shock of it. the sense of being ripped off. the grief of a youth that was spent managing someone who was supposed to be taking care of you. and the self-blame that comes with realizing how long you accepted it — because you didn't know yet that you had another option.
maybe you don't miss her anymore but you feel the absence of a mother. the guidance, the compass, the safe place to land that you watched so many other women have and quietly wondered — why not me?
maybe you've started to move on from trying to fix her and realized that fixing yourself is a significantly bigger and more complex project than you anticipated. and you're not sure where to start or who you are when she's not the organizing principle of your life.
maybe you're years into no contact and the grief still comes in waves, — debilitating sometimes and out of nowhere — and you thought you'd be further along by now.
maybe you're a mother yourself now and becoming one cracked something wide open in you. you can't fathom treating your children the way you were treated. and you're trying to figure out how to raise them while you're still, in so many ways, raising yourself.
wherever you are in this — you belong here.
‘thank you so much. i feel like i'm dreaming. i'm so thankful for your program. i have so much clarity for life now and i love being present.’
you are allowed to want more than this.
more than the constant low grade exhaustion of what it takes to get through the day. more than the rage that lives just underneath the surface of every interaction. more than relationships that require you to shrink, perform or brace yourself for constant impact.
you are allowed to want a life that actually feels like yours — not a life digging your fingernails in the palms of your hands just to get through, not a life just built around surviving her and certainly not just a life where the best you can say is that you're holding it together.
lighter. clearer. more present. more like yourself and less like a problem you're trying to solve.
that's not a fantasy. i've watched it happen — in my own life and in the lives of dozens of women who sat exactly where you're sitting right now. it just requires someone to finally help you do the work in the right direction.
don’t just take my word for it:
"never in a million years did I think I could create a life like this… it's actually enjoyable."
"you really have changed my life. it's crazy how much growth has happened in my confidence."
"i am excited for myself. it feels natural for me to express myself now. i never thought i would get to this point."
"helping me find that inner strength to find my voice and stand up for myself has shown me what it's really like to feel happy without the approval of others."
"i feel confident, supported, and less guilty about putting distance between myself and my NM."
"after each and every meeting i have a new perspective on the most mentally and emotionally challenging situation of my life. i am now always able to come back to a place of calm and comfort."
"my husband is so appreciative of you. what a difference — positive — in our relationship because of our time together."
it’s time to stop sacrificing your own growth.
i know how much courage it takes to even talk about this part of your life. the shame runs deep. and the thought of untangling what you've spent decades keeping stored just to survive — that's not a small ask.
you've probably already tried therapy. maybe it helped with some things. but there's a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from sitting across from someone who can't quite conceptualize what you're describing. who runs out of time before you've even scratched the surface. who gently suggests forgiveness before you've been allowed to be angry.
you don't need another person rushing you along someone else's emotional timeline.
you need someone who has seen what you've seen. who understands without you having to explain, justify or soften it first. who can take everything you've absorbed — the books, the research, the instagram threads, the middle of the night rabbit holes — and help you turn it into something that actually moves you forward.
that's what this is.
here's what working together actually produces.
liberation from the noise. the shame, the self-judgment, the constant need and urge to prove yourself. you start to own your experience rather than fight it and over explain it— and the energy you were spending on controlling everything else starts slowly coming back to you.
relationships that don't require you to disappear. you stop contorting yourself into whatever keeps people comfortable and stable. you stop full on participating in caretaking dynamics that were never yours to manage. you start building connections where you get to actually show up and discover new and hidden parts of you and where the distribution of labor is much more balanced.
boundaries that hold. not because you're gripping them out of sheer will but because you finally understand what's yours to be responsible for and what isn't. you stop seeking validation from people who were never going to give it to you and from people who don’t know you well enough to have an opinion.
yourself. maybe for the first time. you start making decisions that are genuinely yours — not filtered through her voice, not shaped around her reaction. from what you spend your money on, how you spend your time, who you let in to your world to how long you stay in bed in the mornings.
steadiness. not perfection. not the absence of hard days. just the ability to come back to yourself. to be patient with yourself. to stop running from your own emotional experience and start trusting that’s where your freedom is and that you can absolutely handle it.
here's what we cover across our 8 weeks together.
week 1 — self inventory, who you are right now. before we go anywhere we take stock of where you actually are. your inner world, your outer world, your body, your relationships, your sense of self. we establish a real baseline — dropping the curated version, completely.
week 2 — identity. we start uncovering who you actually are underneath everything you developed in order to survive. the beliefs, the fears, the parts of yourself you tucked away because they weren't safe to show. this is where the real work begins.
week 3 — boundaries and the weight you've been carrying. we look at your relationships honestly — who respects you, who doesn't, and why you've maybe allowed certain dynamics to persist. we start building strong lines around you that come from self-knowledge and self-trust rather than just avoidance and self-protection.
week 4 — self-sabotage and the fear of actually having a good life. we look at where you're getting in your own way and why. the perfectionism, the fear of success, the dormant dreams you've talked yourself out of. and what it would actually take to move toward them.
week 5 — relationships, trust and the fear of abandonment. we go deep into how your family system shaped the way you experience love, conflict and vulnerability — and how that's showing up in your relationships right now. we identify your non-negotiables and start building from there.
week 6 — false hope and self-doubt. we look at what's keeping you attached to situations that are unlikely to change — and what you're afraid would happen if you finally let them go. we work on reconnecting you with your own inner knowing after years of dismissing it.
week 7 — self-forgiveness. we look at where you're withholding love and grace from yourself. the situations you're still punishing yourself for. the version of you that did the best she could with what she had. this week is about extending to yourself what you would offer anyone else you actually cared about.
week 8 — what you're building toward. we close by anchoring everything into your actual life. the routines, the relationships, the daily choices that support who you're becoming. and we practice letting yourself have it — the joy, the ease, the good life — without waiting for the other shoe to drop
this work isn't solely about subtraction. it's not about becoming less fucked up, less reactive, less damaged, less like her.
it's about finally creating enough room to figure out who you actually are — and building a life around that person instead.
that's what we do here.
let’s talk about the investment
the program is $2,100 USD — paid in full or across three or six monthly payments.
i know that's not a small number. and i also know that you've probably been spending years, — and a significant amount of money, time and energy — trying to feel better in ways that haven't fully gotten you there. therapy that ran out of time and started to get old. books that explained everything but changed nothing. the quiet ongoing cost of staying stuck and feeling behind.
this is different. and i stand behind it completely.
if the investment feels like a stretch right now, please reach out before you talk yourself out of it. there may be options. and a conversation costs nothing.
who is this for?
the overachieving perfectionist who only sees herself as a problem to solve.
the woman who is tired of feeling confused and weighed down and is craving long term clarity and actual inner peace — not the practiced disassociation and developed numbness.
the scapegoat daughter who is fed up with being trapped by the inner filter of 'what would my mom think?' when it comes to her own decision making.
the scapegoat daughter who is sick of being on everyone else's emotional timeline when it comes to forgiveness and getting over the past.
the scapegoat daughter who is done with people-pleasing and wants the courage and security to set boundaries and feel good about honoring them — even when she's questioned or misunderstood.
the scapegoat daughter who is exhausted from the constant quest for justice that was never coming. who just wants to stop waiting for an acknowledgment that isn't on its way.
the scapegoat daughter who is tired of living in the lonely, isolated shadows and is ready to feel worthy of being seen — and for connection to feel safe rather than so damn threatening.
the scapegoat daughter who is ready to take full responsibility for her own life and finally start keeping promises to herself and doing shit she actually enjoys doing.
hi, i'm amanda.
hi, i'm amanda.
i know first hand there's nothing quite like navigating the work of going no contact with your own mother. it feels like the fight of your life — challenging deep conditioning of duty, sacrifice and normalized behavior that's been ingrained for decades.
i genuinely collapsed the second the door closed and my mom walked out. at the time i was confused by my own reaction. i was deep into my hatred toward her — but not being destroyed by thoughts of what i could be doing to her by choosing my own life felt like winning the lottery.
i now had a chance to breathe my own air. figure out my own brain. live my own life.
about a year into no contact i started to see how much of my focus on her had equated to how much i had neglected myself. i was exhausted. no drive. chronic sleep issues. part of me believed if i just thought better thoughts maybe i could find those easy days you see all over social media. (don't get me started.)
'this is beyond your typical burnout,' my functional doctor told me.
parts validating. parts relieving. parts sobering. and to my surprise — bigger parts devastation and rage. this was not how i had planned for my new life to unfold.
despite being physically exhausted, emotionally i was starting to actually feel free. clear. stable. i was building a community and coaching women who were experiencing results i could barely fathom. there was no time to slow down. more honestly — i didn't want to. i was just so fucking tired of waiting to pursue my own life.
what i didn't realize was there was only so much intellectualizing i could do before i had to actually feel what i'd spent years avoiding.
so much harder than it sounds.
learning how to get out of my head and into my body. the body that held me up through decades of mistreatment. the body i learned to push, dismiss and ignore. the body i was conditioned to call a liar and feel incredibly ashamed of. the body that absorbed the chaos, the stress, the urgency and the occasional violence. the body that held the secrets i swallowed and the truths i kept hidden out of demanded loyalty. the body that held me through all of the confusion and devastation i walked with every day — that i somehow turned into fake certainty and rage just to survive.
that body deserved so much better. and so did i.
forcefully faced with the reality of my own healing fantasies. who i thought i was going to be. what i thought i was going to want. who i thought would be in my corner.
who was i without the striving? without the superwoman cape? where would i find my value? where would i locate the permission to rest without the tasks that used to earn it for me?
i was not prepared for what i learned. and what i'm still coming to terms with.
that i cannot move through life with action alone. that how i hold myself through a challenging season — how i treat myself minute by minute, what i believe i deserve, what i think i have to do to earn love and warmth and rest — those are the most important decisions i make. every single day.
i'm still learning that. i'm still in it.
and after working with dozens of women on this exact journey — i am beyond ready to walk alongside you on yours.
here's what that has looked like for the women i've worked with.
"i have recommended amanda to all my friends who are on this path with me. it can be hard to find people who understand this experience — it can be so isolating — and having my regular calls with amanda allowed me to share and process with someone who genuinely gets it. she has been invaluable to my healing and offered not just a lived-experience perspective but a whole community of women like myself."
"the insight and careful consideration of my feelings were more than i received in all the years of cognitive therapy i've had. the truth is i was so sick and tired of hearing myself complain. i finally felt like i was getting the guidance i actually needed.”
"amanda has not only validated my feelings and helped me discover thought processes rooted in my childhood — she has helped guide me through situations where people would try to overstep my boundaries. i feel so much more prepared for difficult situations and i walk into them with more control and intention. she has helped me prioritize myself and still be the generous person i want to be."
"when i started working with amanda i had the same old patterns replaying in my family, my friendships and my relationships. by the time i completed the program i felt confident — for the first time in my life — to stand up for myself, decide how i deserve to be treated and face some really hard decisions about the relationships in my life."
"amanda generously guided me out of the dark emotional pits where i felt beat down, alone, misunderstood and consumed with guilt and shame."
a small thing worth knowing — i keep my client load intentionally small. this work asks a lot from both of us and i'm way more interested in being thorough than i am in a pure numbers game. so when spots are full they're full, and that can mean the next opening won't be for a while.
so, if something keeps bringing you back here, let's at the very least get a consult in. we can discuss start date after. i've had dozens of women on my waitlist hold off signing up for that 'perfect time' and it's been two years now that we're trying to make timing work. i don't want that to be you.
faqs
*
faqs *
-
this is for you if you're genuinely ready to stop just understanding what happened and start actually changing how it shows up in your life. you're open to feedback, curious about yourself and willing to be uncomfortable in the process. this works best when you show up engaged and honest — with me and with yourself. also, if you're asking this question, you're probably closer to ready than you think
-
we cover 8 core themes across 8 sessions. as soon as you sign up you'll receive your first workbook and a link to schedule your first call. typically you'll spend about a week with the workbook before your first call. from there it's workbook, call, workbook, call — for 8 sessions total.
there's a lot of structure here in terms of topics and workbooks but i take an intuitive approach and adjust to what each client actually needs in the moment. no two journeys are the same and i don't treat them that way.
-
each call is 60 minutes. the workbooks are worked on independently and take roughly 2 hours each — so about 2 hours a week, 16 hours total across the program.
-
one payment of $2,100
three monthly payments of $700
six monthly payments of $350
if you need something different, reach out — i'm happy to talk through options.
-
therapy tends to focus on why — understanding the roots of your patterns. coaching focuses on how — what you're actually going to do about them. i've worked with clients who do both simultaneously and find that having a dedicated space for the mother work frees up therapy to cover everything else. i've also worked with clients who came to coaching after years of therapy feeling like they'd done all the understanding and just needed someone to help them move.
this program is trauma informed. i am a fully licensed life and success coach. this is not traditional talk therapy and does not claim to treat or diagnose any medical condition.
-
dm me on instagram @breakupwithyourmother or email hello@breakupwithyourmother.com and i'll get back to you as soon as i can.
not ready yet? join the waitlist
and i’ll be here when you are.